It's Finally Sinking In

Well today after riding in the car with Sam, I realized that I have to say bye to him this weekend :( I have been so worried about making sure I say bye to everyone before I leave that I overlooked that fact that he leaves first. I have seven days to go. The plane rides are making me nervous already. I am excited to experience the world but that means I only have myself to count on; no mom to scratch my back, no Max to tell me funny stories, no Sam to talk to, no Katie to craft with, and no Derek to sit in silence with ( sometimes you need that silence). Well I managed to go this whole time without crying until now and hopefully I won't ball the rest of my time here. My eyes hurt and my brain hurts. I'm trying to keep a 'normal' life while I'm waiting but its freakishly hard. All of my friends are going back to school and here I am sitting with Ford with tears rolling down my face..blogging (lame).
My days have been filled with so many ups and downs a doctor would prescribe me Prozac, its just that there are too many emotions. Everything I have in Evansville is being delayed until January and its extremely hard to be perky about leaving sometimes; eventhough I'm going to travel the world in one week and be happy. These hours upon hours of neutral are getting to me. I read one of the most inspirational articles yesterday only to be followed with a sad song. I went from hopeful about the world to mild depression in a half hour. Maybe I should take Prozac.
Right now I am just hoping I don't snap next week, ball my eyes out, and say I'm not leaving. (It will most likely happen). To put it in a random "Grace" analogy: If I were drowning, I would have already come up for my second breath of air. Let's hope someone saves me before breath three.